Bench Duhon

34% From the Floor; 100% With the Ladies

2010-03-15T14:33:00.004-05:00

Chris "more chicks between the sheets than Essence" Duhon tells Obama not to skimp on penicillin coverage in the healthcare reform bill. Interesting note: the hand on the girl's shoulder is actually Duhon's.

Barkley Blows Stop Sign, Breathalyzer; Not Blown

2009-01-01T18:09:00.007-06:00

After a long night of partying with Steve Urkel in Scottsdale, Charles Barkley ran a stop sign and was arrested for drunk driving. When asked where he was going, Barkley told the police officer: "I was gonna drive around the corner and get a blow job," explaining that his date gave him a blow-jay a week earlier and that it was one of the best he had received in his life. Drunk driving and hanging out with Jaleel White are inexcusable, but I totally understand the part about racing to get a b.j.

Eddy Curry: Big, Tall, Sued

2008-12-18T20:36:00.007-06:00

Casual Male sued Eddy Curry for failing to pay for over $40,000 of clothing. When you sit on the bench in street clothes, you need a big wardrobe. Perhaps coincidentally, Scott Skiles used to refer to Curry as the "casual male" on defense.

How To Roll a Blount

2008-12-08T07:28:00.003-06:00

Former Bulls power forward Corie Blount was arrested in Ohio with 29 pounds of marijuana. Somewhere in Chicago, Joakim Noah shed a tear. Blount's arrest is somewhat surprising given that he graduated with a degree in criminal justice earlier this summer. Student loans are the worst.

Eddy Curry Is A Real Ball Buster, Obese

2008-10-20T17:57:00.008-05:00

From Frank Isola's Knicks Knation blog:

Poor Eddy Curry. He sat on the giant blue physio-ball during a break from Monday’s practice and the ball exploded. Eddy fell and scraped his wrist but should be okay. The ball, which is used for stretching exercises, was pronounced dead at the scene.

Trainer Tim Grover might want to re-think including Curry's name on the ATTACK Athletics client list.

Michael Jordan: Porn Star

2008-09-17T21:23:00.010-05:00

There has been a lot of talk recently comparing Michael Jordan to Kobe Bryant. Highlighting one stark difference, here is a story about Jordan getting with a woman in Colorado that does not end in a trial.

In the video above, aging porn star Kylie Ireland details the night the '93 Bulls visited Denver's Diamond Cabaret strip club. As a below average white girl who could probably lose a few pounds, she immediately captivated Michael Jordan and he asked her back to his room. After clearing the tryst with her then-husband, Ireland agreed. MJ shoehorned himself into the starlet's Honda Del Sol and the pair hightailed it back to the hotel. Before getting down to business, Jordan realized he did not have any protection. Jordan made a call and, moments later, condoms were slipped under the door (courtesy of John Paxson, according to the radio host above). Ireland subsequently recounted the encounter in the well-known literary magazine Sexpose.

Ireland never again reached the rarified celebrity of Michael Jordan, going on to be romanced by the likes of Richard Dreyfuss, Grandpa Munster, Scott Baio and the gay Neal Patrick Harris. She later shot the cinematic masterpiece Face Jam based on her night with Jordan. Confused, I rented that video in '97 hoping that it was a documentary on the Horace Grant - Joan Esposito affair.

Super Mario's Career Off To Great Start

2008-09-03T22:51:00.004-05:00

March Madness hero Mario Chalmers was thrown out of the NBA's rookie transition program on Wednesday morning after being caught in his hotel room with marijuana and women. If the pair in the photo were the women in Chalmers' hotel room, I can understand why he needed the weed.

Jay Mariotti: Rest In Piss

2008-08-27T16:48:00.005-05:00

The world's worst sports columnist quit the Sun-Times.

Gold Medals Returned to Rightful Owners

2008-08-24T19:05:00.011-05:00

THE REAL WORLD CHAMPS

This one goes out to Greece, Puerto Rico and Argentina...

John Tesh: Street Status

2008-08-22T08:00:00.010-05:00

People enjoy laughing at John Tesh, but I'd like to remind everyone that he wrote the greatest song in NBA history. Roundball Rock was the theme for NBC's NBA coverage during the Bulls' glory years. When I hear this song, I don't know if I want to shoot a game winning three or rob someone at gunpoint for their Air Jordans. Maybe both. Roundball Rock is like the basketball version of MOP's Ante Up.

Make jokes about Tesh's band collar shirt and embroidered vest, but don't try to tell me that you don't feel like flipping cars over on Division Street when you hear Roundball Rock during NBC's Olympic basketball coverage. Anyone who can dress like a gay waiter and rock a 12 piece orchestra to inspire sports related violence is worthy of Bench Duhon's Medal of Honor.

DeShawn Wants to Make Love in This Club

2008-08-15T07:36:00.008-05:00

Let's just hope that the club isn't filled with 14 year old girls.

A Stunning Likeness

2008-08-13T07:36:00.009-05:00

You can be the owner of this incredible t-shirt featuring an airbushed image of an obese Michael Jordan. Available on eBay for only $50, this is the perfect tee for Weight Watchers meetings, auditions for "What Not to Wear" and matching with your boo at Great America. The seller also offers other shirts, but it is unknown if fat versions of other NBA players are available. I'd be interested in a fat Kukoc hoodie.

Note to Cedric Simmons: Do Not Paint Your Car Black and Red

2008-07-30T17:48:00.008-05:00

Maybe Jamal Crawford wants to buy former Knick Renaldo Balkman's Chevy Caprice. Even Walt Frazier thought the basketball shaped speaker grilles were over the top. This car is destined to join Cam'Ron's pink Range Rover as an all-time ~~joke~~ eBay legend.

In any case, doing something this ridiculous virtually guarantees that you will be traded (sort of like me buying a Kendall Gill Hornets authentic 24 hours before he was traded to the Sonics).

Rose Regulates Adidas, Ready for Next Episode

2008-07-26T08:28:00.008-05:00

Hours after inking an endorsement deal with Adidas, Derrick Rose was spotted celebrating with Nate Dogg (at far right). Warren G was unavailable for comment as Subway does not allow employees to take personal phone calls.

Soundtrack to Bench Duhon

2008-07-23T20:50:00.011-05:00

For the people who thought Gerald Green's socks and Dwight Howard's Superman cape were interesting dunk accessories, allow me to introduce Top Dog. Eschewing bare feet and superhero outfits, Top Dog takes flight in gators and a lime blazer. The gabardine trousers alone make Josh Smith's 'Nique throwback look uninspired by comparison.

I'm impressed-- although I heard that it took Top Dog 14 tries to get this photo (like Nate Robinson in the 2006 dunk contest).

Big shout out to Zone-Loc for the tip!

Duhon Has Always Been #1 In Our Hearts

2008-07-11T15:28:00.006-05:00

From Newsday.com:

Among NBA players, Duhon has a reputation for partying. "My personal life is my personal life," Duhon said. "My main focus here is to compete and make the New York Knicks a better team. That's my main goal and focus. I don't really comment about anything like that."

That's OK; we've got it covered.

My Point Guard Wants to Party All the Time

2008-07-07T22:56:00.012-05:00

Duhon's signing with New York initially raised some eyebrows among Knicks brass. According to Frank Isola:

Duhon's lifestyle concerned team officials, who felt that the 25-year-old enjoyed the nightlife too much. When Duhon played at Duke, he would often sleep at the house of coach Mike Krzyzewski to prevent him from staying out late.

In an effort to keep an eye on Duhon, Donnie Walsh suggested he sleep at Mike D'Antoni's house, but Danilo Gallinari is already crashing on the couch. Isiah Thomas has expressed some concern that D'Antoni and Gallinari will get pumped up watching Sylvester Stallone movies and demand that Duhon buy them some Jujy Fruits. On the positive side, Gallinari can help Stephon Marbury rent an apartment in Italy now that Duhon is certain to take all of his minutes.

In the photo above, not even a popped collar and a quartet of mediocre girls can make a forlorn-looking Duhon forget about shooting under 39% this season.

Duhon Signs With Knicks, Looks Suspect in Club

2008-07-04T23:39:00.005-05:00

It's official: Chris Duhon is now New York's problem. Donnie Walsh channeled the ghost of Isiah Thomas as C-Du declared his independence from the Bulls and agreed to a 2 year deal with the Knicks. Duhon's cell phone blew up like July 4 fireworks from Bulls fans offering to drive him to the airport.

It will be interesting to see how Duhon works in Mike D'Antoni's offense. Duhon has often been compared to Steve Nash in that neither player can guard anyone. Aside from that, Knicks fans can expect ice-cold shooting and a dazzling array of novelty t-shirts. The Bulls expect Larry Hughes to fill the bad shooting void left by Duhon.

New York star spotters hoping to catch a glimpse of their new point guard should keep their eyes trained on any place average-looking white girls get together. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to get the champagne out of the refrigerator.

Glen Davis is Here, Get Used to It

2008-06-29T22:35:00.011-05:00

A celebration of Chicago's 39th Annual Pride Parade would not be complete without some photos of the Celtics' Glen Davis wearing a feather boa.

Below, Glen Davis delights Tyrus Thomas and the Baton Rouge crowd with his rendition of Diana Ross' "I'm Coming Out."

In all seriousness, someone should knock on Tim Hardaway's door to make sure he's still breathing.

It's Raining Glen Davis

2008-06-25T07:49:00.010-05:00

Does licking and caressing a giant ball make me look gay? No? What about getting a champagne shower from a circle of dudes while I dance? OK, thanks.

This last photo earned the Celtics' Glen Davis honorary membership in Bear Force One.

Kobe: "It Tastes Like a First Round Loss to the Spurs"

2008-06-24T11:05:00.016-05:00

Some observations on Shaq's 8 Mile moment:

The clock is ticking on the first YouTube loser and/or unknown DJ to release his "remix" of the Shaq rap. Vegas has the over/under at 8 hours.

"Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes" is destined to join Black Bart Simpson, Stop Snitchin' and the Jeezy Snowman as a Taste of Chicago t-shirt design hall of famer.

This is not the first time Shaq dissed an NBA opponent in song. Below, Shaq channels Sam Malone to send a message to the Sacramento Kings. Vlade Divc did not return our calls regarding how Shaq's ass tasted in 2002.

Don't forget that Kobe is also known to put heads to bed on the mic. Following the trail blazed by Vanilla Ice and Naomi Campbell, Bryant and Tyra Banks rock the house in the video below.

Celtics Win Championship, Look Gay

2008-06-18T11:49:00.016-05:00

The Boston Celtics won their 17th championship by manhandling the L.A. Lakers. It was the second biggest margin of victory in finals history behind the Bulls' 96-54 win over Utah in 1998.

Also being manhandled: the Larry O'Brien Trophy by Glen "Big Costanza" Davis. Shown above, Davis gets his John Amaechi on in one of the few boudoir photos taken by NBA photographers.

Bulls Fans Liked Him Better on Happy Days

2008-06-09T16:47:00.007-05:00

After an agonizing coaching search (which included roundball luminaries such as Mike Dunlap and seemingly excluded only Ken Reeves and Nick Nolte), the Bulls are hiring Vinny Del Negro, the only candidate with no coaching experience.

Note to Paxson: All Italian people do not look the same. We know he's not D'Antoni!

Hennessy Got Noah Not Knowing How To Act

2008-05-26T19:52:00.009-05:00

Is anyone really surprised that Joakim Noah was arrested for misdemeanor alcohol and marijuana possession? This story reinforces the old adage that no matter how successful you are, you will never outgrow drinking Henny in the street from a red Solo cup while scoping college girls.

Quick cognac story: Two summers ago, I was shopping at a Dominick's in Chicago when Shawn Marion pulled up in a customized white-on-white Dodge Magnum, parked in a handicapped spot and ran in to buy a bottle of Hennessy. I always thought Tim Grover's fitness regimen called for Alizé and not Henn-rock, but I'm not an athletic trainer, so what do I know?

Ocean's 34

2008-05-16T10:55:00.004-05:00

Dumbass? Yes. Broke? No.

The Mailman Delivers to 13 Year Old Girl

2008-05-09T07:01:00.007-05:00

"If there's grass on the court, play basketball." -Karl Malone

MVP Runner Up Wins Booby Prize

2008-05-07T15:01:00.003-05:00

Cheesing it up with girls from ~~Dave & Busters~~ Shoney's probably cost Chris Paul the MVP award.

Photo originally posted on The Dirty.

End of an Era

2008-04-28T12:17:00.001-05:00

Don't say we didn't tell you so.

The Chronic

2008-04-26T00:20:00.007-05:00

I was going to get out of the first round of the playoffs, but then I got high.

Lebron James' Back Defeats Cavaliers

2008-04-12T09:17:00.006-05:00

The Bulls beat the Cavaliers on Friday night, taking 3 of 4 from the James Gang on the season. Lebreezy dropped 24 in the first quarter, but was held to only 10 more the rest of the game. Coach Mike Brown has the thinnest playbook in the East (i.e., give it to Lebron), so once the Bulls (or James' back) neutralized him, it was a done deal for the 6 time world champs.

Chris Duhon and Jason Williams graduated Duke with the degree made famous by Josh Lewis' Myspace page. They also each minored in "wasting Bulls draft picks." If only Williams' motorcycle had a side car, the Bulls would not have had to endure the Duhon Era. In any event, this photo must have been taken outside of Durham because these girls are a step up from the Z-listers (with high SAT scores!) they got with at Duke (making these girls Y-listers).

Patrick Ewing: Real American Hero

2008-04-10T10:30:00.011-05:00

Charley Rosen tells a moving story about recent Hall of Fame inductee Patrick Ewing:

One afternoon after a game day shootaround, Ewing was chauffeured to a hospital where he was scheduled to visit a ward housing children with terminal diseases. Ewing always resisted extracurricular activities (except for his well-publicized adulterous dalliance with one of the Knicks dancers), and he groused all the way to the hospital. When he finally got there, the poor kids were all aglow at his presence. But Ewing cut his visit short. And when a few of these tragic children begged him for an autograph, Ewing refused, saying, "I never sign autographs on game days."

In the photo above, Ewing enjoys a meal with his family, Miss Indiana Black Expo '92 and a dancer from Coming to America.

Duhon 08

2008-04-08T22:15:00.009-05:00

The Bulls' playoff hopes came to an end as the team was beaten in Miami by a collection of D-Leaguers and guys on 10 day contracts. Just two weeks after he drove me to work in a cab, Kasib Powell led the Heat in scoring. Not much to say about this one, except that the Bulls are no-heart losers who owe their fans refunds.

At one point in his career, Barack Obama had to fend off concerns over his youthful indiscretions. I'm not sure that being photographed with the Black Matt Leinart enhances his credibility. Thankfully, Jeremiah Wright, Kim Kardashian and the Ghost of Hitler are out of frame, sparing Obama further embarrassment.

Do the Du

2008-04-06T12:51:00.004-05:00

Chris Duhon got busy in last night's loss to the Wizards, scoring 2 points on 25% shooting in 15 minutes. Young Du can also get busy on the dance floor, as seen in the photo above. Eastern Europe has some of the world's best discothèques, so look for him to feel at home next season playing for Zubry Bialystok. I heard the Vengaboys make at least two stops in Poland each year. Who else is up for a road trip?

Chris Duhon: Trillionaire

2008-04-04T10:17:00.006-05:00

Chris Duhon saw limited minutes in a dramatic win over the Cavaliers, scoring a rarified two trillion (i.e., 2 minutes and 0s in all other statistical categories) in the process. Bravo, Duhon!

Drawn to average looking girls like a moth to a flame, Duhon cannot resist ruining the photo of four Chicago partygoers.

Larry Legend

2008-04-02T13:50:00.009-05:00

Chris Duhon is not the only Bull to look good in novelty tees. Here, Larry Hughes gets his Hot Topic on and clears up all rumors that he's in love with a stripper.

Larry's 0-6 shooting night in a loss to the Celtics also cleared up rumors that he should start on an NBA basketball team. Larry proved that he is the most versatile non-scorer in the game right now, missing layups, mid-range jumpers and 3s with equal ease. Hughes can create his own turnover both on and off the ball. Someone needs to alert the Hall of Fame to this performance:

First Quarter
4:20 Larry Hughes misses 19-foot two point shot

Second Quarter
9:22 Larry Hughes misses jumper
7:56 Larry Hughes misses 25-foot three point jumper
4:33 Larry Hughes misses 19-foot jumper

Third Quarter
8:26 Larry Hughes bad pass (Rajon Rondo steals)
7:37 Larry Hughes misses layup
7:16 Larry Hughes misses 18-foot jumper
[Benched]

Where Apathy Happens

2008-03-29T10:05:00.008-05:00

The Bulls rallied from 22 down to come back to lose to the Hawks in dramatic fashion. Chris Duhon came out of the mothballs to flex the guns and score 7 points on 33% shooting. This loss puts the Bulls 4 games out of the playoff chase with only 10 games to go. As the poet once said, "it's a fajita" for the Bulls' playoff hopes. Look for tickets to remaining games at the UC on eBay for 10 cents on the dollar.

Next season, I do not think Duhon's novelty t-shirts will be as funny in Eastern Europe as they are in the U.S. I heard the Ukrainian Urban Outfitters has shirts in Russian which should have Duhon covered, though. Top sellers include "Stalin is my Homeboy" and "Who is strong like oxen? This guy."

Drew Gooden is Mistaken

2008-03-27T12:06:00.007-05:00

Drew Gooden, who is shooting 0% on 3s and averages 1 assist and less than a block a game this season, recently gave this modest self-assessment:

"I possess the tools. I don't want to sound cocky, but I think I possess everything. I feel like I can pass, block shots, play great defense, play help defense, shoot threes. I believe that I can do it all. "

I say the same thing every time I put down the controller after a successful game of NBA Live 08. The difference between me and Gooden is that I can back it up. Last night, Gooden shot 0-5 for 2 points in 20 minutes in a humiliating loss to the Sixers, while the Palos Hills Toros beat the Lakers by 60 points on Xbox Live.

Advantage: me (and reality).

In Duhon news, C-Du got some nice garbage minutes last night. Duhon scraping himself from the bench reminded me of the Kansas woman whose caboose adhered to a toilet after years of sitting.

Happy Easter

2008-03-24T17:40:00.002-05:00

Bulls Lose on Purpose

2008-03-23T09:41:00.004-05:00

Jim Boylan's superpower is to blow double digit fourth quarter leads by playing inane lineups. The latest evidence was last night's loss to the Pacers in which Boylan found a way to squander a 13 point advantage in the fourth. There are about 6 reasons why Boylan blew the game, but putting the shaky defense of 6-3 Ben Gordon on 6-9 Mike Dunleavy (who scored 13 in the fourth) is a main one. Joakim Noah went for 16 points on 78% shooting and 8 rebounds in 22 minutes. What would he he done in 35 minutes? We'll never know because Boylan keeps him glued to the bench.

A note to all Bulls season ticket holders: Please contact the Bulls and let them know how upset you are about this season.

Erin Go Bench

2008-03-20T23:01:00.005-05:00

Chris Duhon was unavailable for tonight's blowout loss to the Spurs. The official word was that Duhon had the flu. Bottle flu, maybe? In any case, Serbia has universal health care, so Duhon shouldn't have these health issues next season.

In other news, the Bulls raised ticket prices. Please shoot me.

Bench Hinrich?

2008-03-17T23:36:00.011-05:00

Kirk Hinrich shot 0-6 for 0 points in over 16 minutes in a loss to the Hornets. For the second game in a row, the Bulls were outscored by 20 points in the fourth quarter. Is this a bad dream? At least Duhon isn't playing...

The Ghost of Kirk Hinrich is shown in the photo above getting his Beetlejuice on. Just as Kirk disappeared in tonight's game, his translucent skin helps him vanish into the background (or at least into that pink and mint polo). The girl on the right chucks up the deuce and shows her homies from Alpha Chi Omega some love. I think this picture was taken at the release party for her latest video.

Client 23

2008-03-13T22:19:00.007-05:00

Everyone knows who Client 9 is, but what about Chicago-based Client 10? Breathe a sigh of relief Charles Oakley, because it is not Michael Jordan. MJ's attorney said:

"I have just received confirmation from Assistant U.S. Attorney Rita Glavin in New York that our client Michael Jordan is neither a subject nor a target of this investigation."

What does it say about you that you have to ask the U.S. Attorney if you are the subject of a prostitution investigation? Jordan's attorney could have simply said "The Emperor's VIP service offered thin girls with above-average looks, so our client obviously had no involvement here."

Based on that photo, Jordan should pray that he's not implicated in a dime bag operation.

Duhon Turns Back on Team, Average White Girl

2008-03-11T22:34:00.008-05:00

"I probably won't be back." -Chris Duhon

Pop the Cristal, Bulls fans. Duhon doesn't want to be here as much as we want him gone. Duhon did not just get a DNP-CD, he was listed as inactive in the Bulls' win over the Jazz.

Du Does Durham: The Morning After

2008-03-10T17:38:00.007-05:00

In the wake of Sunday's punishment, Chris Duhon said that his benching didn't matter because he had not been playing anyway. I'm glad he has a professional attitude. I mean, it's not like the Bulls pay him millions of dollars to show up on time. Although the dollar is generally weak, it is strong against the Serbian Dinar, so he should live comfortably while playing for the Takovo Lions next season.

In the photo above, Duhon hugs a pair of girls with "nice personalities" while wearing a hat from the Uncle Buck collection.

Duhon Does Durham

2008-03-09T23:58:00.008-05:00

Chris Duhon was benched for Sunday's loss to the Pistons after missing the pre-game shootaround. Duhon left the team without permission to see his Duke Blue Devils lose to the UNC Tar Heels. Duhon claims he missed his wake-up call. I'd be out of it, too, after a night of Jager Bombs and talking to D-list girls.

Duke luminaries Jason Williams and Christian Laettner joined Duhon at the game. Apparently, it was NBA Bust Night at Cameron Indoor. In a ceremony hosted by Alaa Abdelnaby, JJ Redick was awarded the prestigious Bobby Hurley Trophy for his NBA performance. Trajan Langdon, honored last year, could not make it as UPS has a strict personal time policy.

The Feel-Bad Movie Event of the Winter

2008-03-06T15:40:00.003-06:00

Starring Allen Iverson as Tyrus Thomas and Jim Mora as John Paxson.

Duhon Rides Pine, Fat Girl

2008-03-05T07:27:00.003-06:00

Chris Duhon was glued to the bench in a win over the Grizzlies which saw appearances from Garbage Time All-Stars Shannon Brown and Cedric Simmons. Despite a 30 point lead, Boylan took our advice and kept C-Du out of the action.

In a photo from the archives, Duhon is seen at Medusa's jacking to "The Percolator" in a rayon shirt he bought at Coda. His Zodiac shoes are just out of frame.

Duhon's Girlfriend Responds to BenchDuhon.com

2008-03-03T21:19:00.007-06:00

A Tribute to Chris Duhon

2008-03-02T15:27:00.007-06:00

In a stirring tribute to Chris Duhon, Ben Gordon shot 38% and had 5 turnovers in a loss to the Cavs. C-Du climbed the depth chart, though, playing 1 second more than Aaron Gray.

Shown above: After Larry Hughes took all of their minutes, Chris Duhon and Kirk Hinrich enjoy a light moment with their realtors. Ben Gordon is just out of frame talking to his mortgage broker on the cell phone. Adios, fellas!

Welcome Back Du

2008-02-29T21:49:00.006-06:00

Chris Duhon got off the bench to help the Bulls blow an 18 point halftime lead in a loss to the Wizards. Amazingly, Duhon received a technical foul upon entering the game because his shirt was untucked, leading to a quick point for the Wiz. Soon after, he jacked up and missed an out of rhythm 3. Du finished with 0 points on 0% shooting in about 6 minutes.

In the post-game conference, Boylan said the Bulls "embarrassed the City of Chicago." It looks like the team has caught up with its third string PG, as Duhon has been embarrassing himself around town for years. Shown above, Duhon crashes a Whitney Young graduation party and shoehorns himself into the photo. Cheese! (seriously)

Duhon Still Benched, Needs Sponge

2008-02-27T21:09:00.004-06:00

Completing the DNP-CD trilogy, Boylan kept Duhon on the pine as the Bulls beat the Pacers.

Pictured: Duhon breaks into a sweat as he realizes that there are no average looking white girls in the club. The back fat on the girl on the right could not have been helping matters, either.

Non-Duhon Highlight of the Season

2008-02-27T11:39:00.006-06:00

What's the best part of this clip?

Zach Randolph's killer crossover?

The 28 footer with 7 seconds on the shot clock?

The off-the-ball movement of the rest of the Knicks?

Isiah Thomas' facial reaction?

All of the above.

Jason Kidd Beats Bulls, Women

2008-02-26T00:37:00.005-06:00

Duhon's second straight DNP-CD was tempered by the Bulls' second loss in two games. I think Hinrich touched Kidd's son's food before gametime as Kidd barely missed a triple double, going for 11, 9 and 8.

Duhon Benched

2008-02-24T21:27:00.010-06:00

DNP-CD!!!

In Boylan's best coached game of the season, Duhon played zero minutes. After the game, Boylan said that he "feels bad for Du." Fan reaction included an impromptu parade on Madison Street.

In a scene from the future, Duhon is depicted dancing at bachelorette parties in Lincoln Park after being bounced from the league. Notice Larry Hughes slipping him a few bucks from off-camera to help him out. It's the least he can do after taking Duhon's minutes.

Teflon Duhon Escapes Trade Winds

2008-02-21T15:30:00.005-06:00

Chris Duhon is pictured helping Ben Wallace load his things onto a moving van. Not shown is Duhon scheduling his move to Macedonia in the offseason to play in the Euro League.

A Du Du Performance

2008-02-21T10:50:00.006-06:00

Master strategist Jim Boylan unveiled his 3-on-5 Offense last night in an overtime loss in New Jersey, simultaneously showcasing the talents of offensive supernovas Chris Duhon and Ben Wallace in the extra session. Duhon helped Josh Boone pad his stats in overtime by shooting a layup into Boone's hand. In another OT clip-reel moment, Duhon turned his back to Richard Jefferson to give him easy access to the hoop and 2 points. Olé!

Duhon keeps killing it on the catwalk with his array of t-shirts. It's cut off in the photo, but I think the shirt says "I'm drunk and I can't find my dignity."

Photo source: Truth About Duke

Bad Idea Jeans

2008-02-18T12:07:00.007-06:00

Jordan takes a page from Edward James Olmos in American Me by hiking his jeans to his chest. Charles Oakley was waiting outside in a '64 Impala with an airbrushed Virgin Mary on the hood.

I'll try to find the photo with MJ wearing a hairnet and a dress shirt with only the top two buttons done.

Chris Duhon is Blackmailing Mike Fratello

2008-02-16T23:06:00.008-06:00

During tonight's Haier Shooting Stars competition, Mike Fratello made the overstatement of the season:

"For Chicago, this season, with all of the injuries they've had, Chris Duhon has been the guy over the last week and a half two weeks has really had a hot hand for them."

Really? Since January 1, Duhon has shot 32.3%! If you discount Duhon's career night against Golden State, he is shooting only 27% in 2008! Does Mike Fratello watch NBA games?!

Starting Duhon is Ludacris

2008-02-15T21:38:00.006-06:00

All my players in the house that can buy the bar

And them ballin' ass dudes with the candy cars

If you a pimp and you know you don't love them hos

When you get on the floor

Score 5 points on 20% shooting in 32 minutes

and throw them bows.

Duhon Starts; Looks Fruity in Club

2008-02-13T08:46:00.009-06:00

Thanks to Kirk Hinrich's sore ribs, Chris Duhon was back in the starting lineup. In a performance that made nobody forget about Chris Paul, Duhon went off for 5 points on 28% shooting in 31 minutes.

I guess Duhon's "Mustache Rides $1" t-shirt was at the dry-cleaner that night.

Giving Credit Where Credit Is Du

2008-02-08T10:10:00.000-06:00

Apparently Chris Duhon made a deal with the (blue) devil as he went off on the Golden State Warriors for 34 points on 11-16 from the field and 9 assists. Du's blistering shooting raised his FG% to 36% on the year. Look for Duhon to come back to Earth sooner than later, but we'll take wins where we can get them. As you can see, a great night from Duhon will not prevent us from running awesome photos.

In related news, Jimbo(zo) Boylan let Tyrus play the fourth quarter and TT burned The City down. Less Noce, more Tyrus please.

Chris Duhon is an Arsonist

2008-02-07T00:44:00.000-06:00

Over the last three games, Du shot 20% from the field. If you thought he was going to have a slump-busting performance tonight in Portland, you were right! Chris Duhon set the nylon ablaze with 30% (3 of 10) shooting in a loss to the Blazers. So you think Duhon will be out of the NBA next season? Right again!

Making Kevin McHale Look Like Jerry West

2008-02-06T11:34:00.000-06:00

You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You trade Shawn Marion for Shaq

You had a bad day

An Open Letter to Andres Nocioni

2008-02-05T13:01:00.000-06:00

Dear Chapu,

You are 10 of 32 from the floor in the last 3 games. STOP SHOOTING!

Sincerely,

BenchDuhon.com

Defensive Specialist

2008-02-03T01:26:00.000-06:00

The Bulls like to say that Ben Wallace's contributions are not reflected in the box score. That's true as "number of open shots within 5 feet of the hoop not taken" is not an official NBA stat. Well, here's something I found in the box score: for the second consecutive game, Big Ben's man corralled 20 boards. ~~Wilt Chamberlain~~ Brad Miller went off for 22 points on 80% shooting and 20 rebounds (twice his season average) as the Kings beat the Bulls.

Mercifully, Boylan played Duhon only 18 minutes (which was enough time for Du to take and miss one shot).

More Duhon Highlights

2008-02-02T11:48:00.000-06:00

Chris Duhon Highlight Reel

2008-02-01T14:31:00.000-06:00

Chris Duhon: All-Star

2008-02-01T10:32:00.001-06:00

Sam Smith is reporting that Chris Duhon is expected to compete All-Star weekend in the Haier Shooting Stars competition. In this competition, current NBA and WNBA players join an NBA veteran in a shooting contest. At press time, it was unclear which league Duhon will represent in the competition.

This is How We Du It

2008-01-30T21:44:00.000-06:00

Taking a page from Willis Reed's legacy, Chris Duhon cast aside his knee pain to toss a donut in a loss to the worst team in pro basketball. In 22 minutes, C-Du took and missed 4 shots, had as many assists as turnovers and never got to the line. I'm sure Duhon's teammates appreciate this inspirational gesture. Meanwhile, Andre Barrett is trying to remember why he was busted down to the D League.

Meanwhile, Big Ben had another "fantastic" game against Al Jefferson, holding Baby Al to 26 and 20 on 50% shooting. I'm sure Boylan was able to find some more nice words for Wallace in his post-game comments. This offseason, look for Boylan and his thesaurus to spend some time on a resume.

Boylan Needs a Dictionary

2008-01-29T23:17:00.001-06:00

The short-handed Bulls had a nice win tonight over the TWolves at the United Center. In the post-game interview, Coach Boylan praised Ben Wallace's "fantastic" defense on Al Jefferson. Al was averaging 21 and 12, and had 20 and 12 tonight on 50% shooting. So, Wallace held Baby Al to his averages. Ben Wallace was also fantastic on the offensive end, going for 2 points on 33% shooting. I'm using the word "fantastc" correctly there, right?

Duhon on Duhon: "Explosive"

2008-01-29T11:25:00.001-06:00

According to the Athletico Injury Report, Chris Duhon's knee continues to be a problem. "I'm shutting it down for at least a couple of games," Duhon said. "I'm hurting the team because I'm not as explosive as I can be."

Apparently, Duhon's knee has been in trouble since he was drafted by the Bulls in 2004 as his explosiveness has not once been showcased at the NBA level.

Duhon Might Bench Himself

2008-01-27T23:21:00.000-06:00

The AP is reporting that Duhon's knee is affecting his game (Editor's Note: I thought it was his lack of talent) and he might sit out the next few contests. That's too bad because the Bulls could really use his offensive firepower while BG and Deng are on the mend. Just check out these MVP numbers from Sunday's game against the Suns:

5 points on 2 of 8 shooting, 3 assists to 2 turnovers and 1 rebound in 32 minutes.

I'm surprised the Chicago Fire Department did not shut down the United Center after Duhon's flamethrowing.