Note to Cedric Simmons: Do Not Paint Your Car Black and Red

Maybe Jamal Crawford wants to buy former Knick Renaldo Balkman's Chevy Caprice. Even Walt Frazier thought the basketball shaped speaker grilles were over the top. This car is destined to join Cam'Ron's pink Range Rover as an all-time joke eBay legend.

In any case, doing something this ridiculous virtually guarantees that you will be traded (sort of like me buying a Kendall Gill Hornets authentic 24 hours before he was traded to the Sonics).

Rose Regulates Adidas, Ready for Next Episode

Hours after inking an endorsement deal with Adidas, Derrick Rose was spotted celebrating with Nate Dogg (at far right). Warren G was unavailable for comment as Subway does not allow employees to take personal phone calls.

Soundtrack to Bench Duhon

For the people who thought Gerald Green's socks and Dwight Howard's Superman cape were interesting dunk accessories, allow me to introduce Top Dog.  Eschewing bare feet and superhero outfits, Top Dog takes flight in gators and a lime blazer. The gabardine trousers alone make Josh Smith's 'Nique throwback look uninspired by comparison.

I'm impressed-- although I heard that it took Top Dog 14 tries to get this photo (like Nate Robinson in the 2006 dunk contest).

Big shout out to Zone-Loc for the tip!

Duhon Has Always Been #1 In Our Hearts

From Newsday.com:

Among NBA players, Duhon has a reputation for partying. "My personal life is my personal life," Duhon said. "My main focus here is to compete and make the New York Knicks a better team. That's my main goal and focus. I don't really comment about anything like that."

That's OK; we've got it covered.

My Point Guard Wants to Party All the Time

Duhon's signing with New York initially raised some eyebrows among Knicks brass. According to Frank Isola:

Duhon's lifestyle concerned team officials, who felt that the 25-year-old enjoyed the nightlife too much. When Duhon played at Duke, he would often sleep at the house of coach Mike Krzyzewski to prevent him from staying out late.

In an effort to keep an eye on Duhon, Donnie Walsh suggested he sleep at Mike D'Antoni's house, but Danilo Gallinari is already crashing on the couch. Isiah Thomas has expressed some concern that D'Antoni and Gallinari will get pumped up watching Sylvester Stallone movies and demand that Duhon buy them some Jujy Fruits. On the positive side, Gallinari can help Stephon Marbury rent an apartment in Italy now that Duhon is certain to take all of his minutes.

In the photo above, not even a popped collar and a quartet of mediocre girls can make a forlorn-looking Duhon forget about shooting under 39% this season.

Duhon Signs With Knicks, Looks Suspect in Club

It's official: Chris Duhon is now New York's problem. Donnie Walsh channeled the ghost of Isiah Thomas as C-Du declared his independence from the Bulls and agreed to a 2 year deal with the Knicks. Duhon's cell phone blew up like July 4 fireworks from Bulls fans offering to drive him to the airport.

It will be interesting to see how Duhon works in Mike D'Antoni's offense. Duhon has often been compared to Steve Nash in that neither player can guard anyone. Aside from that, Knicks fans can expect ice-cold shooting and a dazzling array of novelty t-shirts. The Bulls expect Larry Hughes to fill the bad shooting void left by Duhon.

New York star spotters hoping to catch a glimpse of their new point guard should keep their eyes trained on any place average-looking white girls get together. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to get the champagne out of the refrigerator.