34% From the Floor; 100% With the Ladies

Chris "more chicks between the sheets than Essence" Duhon tells Obama not to skimp on penicillin coverage in the healthcare reform bill. Interesting note: the hand on the girl's shoulder is actually Duhon's.

Duhon Has Always Been #1 In Our Hearts

From Newsday.com:

Among NBA players, Duhon has a reputation for partying. "My personal life is my personal life," Duhon said. "My main focus here is to compete and make the New York Knicks a better team. That's my main goal and focus. I don't really comment about anything like that."

That's OK; we've got it covered.

My Point Guard Wants to Party All the Time

Duhon's signing with New York initially raised some eyebrows among Knicks brass. According to Frank Isola:

Duhon's lifestyle concerned team officials, who felt that the 25-year-old enjoyed the nightlife too much. When Duhon played at Duke, he would often sleep at the house of coach Mike Krzyzewski to prevent him from staying out late.

In an effort to keep an eye on Duhon, Donnie Walsh suggested he sleep at Mike D'Antoni's house, but Danilo Gallinari is already crashing on the couch. Isiah Thomas has expressed some concern that D'Antoni and Gallinari will get pumped up watching Sylvester Stallone movies and demand that Duhon buy them some Jujy Fruits. On the positive side, Gallinari can help Stephon Marbury rent an apartment in Italy now that Duhon is certain to take all of his minutes.

In the photo above, not even a popped collar and a quartet of mediocre girls can make a forlorn-looking Duhon forget about shooting under 39% this season.

Duhon Signs With Knicks, Looks Suspect in Club

It's official: Chris Duhon is now New York's problem. Donnie Walsh channeled the ghost of Isiah Thomas as C-Du declared his independence from the Bulls and agreed to a 2 year deal with the Knicks. Duhon's cell phone blew up like July 4 fireworks from Bulls fans offering to drive him to the airport.

It will be interesting to see how Duhon works in Mike D'Antoni's offense. Duhon has often been compared to Steve Nash in that neither player can guard anyone. Aside from that, Knicks fans can expect ice-cold shooting and a dazzling array of novelty t-shirts. The Bulls expect Larry Hughes to fill the bad shooting void left by Duhon.

New York star spotters hoping to catch a glimpse of their new point guard should keep their eyes trained on any place average-looking white girls get together. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to get the champagne out of the refrigerator.

Lebron James' Back Defeats Cavaliers

The Bulls beat the Cavaliers on Friday night, taking 3 of 4 from the James Gang on the season. Lebreezy dropped 24 in the first quarter, but was held to only 10 more the rest of the game. Coach Mike Brown has the thinnest playbook in the East (i.e., give it to Lebron), so once the Bulls (or James' back) neutralized him, it was a done deal for the 6 time world champs.

Chris Duhon and Jason Williams graduated Duke with the degree made famous by Josh Lewis' Myspace page. They also each minored in "wasting Bulls draft picks."  If only Williams' motorcycle had a side car, the Bulls would not have had to endure the Duhon Era. In any event, this photo must have been taken outside of Durham because these girls are a step up from the Z-listers (with high SAT scores!) they got with at Duke (making these girls Y-listers).

Duhon 08

The Bulls' playoff hopes came to an end as the team was beaten in Miami by a collection of D-Leaguers and guys on 10 day contracts. Just two weeks after he drove me to work in a cab, Kasib Powell led the Heat in scoring. Not much to say about this one, except that the Bulls are no-heart losers who owe their fans refunds.

At one point in his career, Barack Obama had to fend off concerns over his youthful indiscretions. I'm not sure that being photographed with the Black Matt Leinart enhances his credibility.  Thankfully, Jeremiah Wright, Kim Kardashian and the Ghost of Hitler are out of frame, sparing Obama further embarrassment.

Do the Du

Chris Duhon got busy in last night's loss to the Wizards, scoring 2 points on 25% shooting in 15 minutes.  Young Du can also get busy on the dance floor, as seen in the photo above.  Eastern Europe has some of the world's best discothèques, so look for him to feel at home next season playing for Zubry Bialystok. I heard the Vengaboys make at least two stops in Poland each year.  Who else is up for a road trip?

Chris Duhon: Trillionaire

Chris Duhon saw limited minutes in a dramatic win over the Cavaliers, scoring a rarified two trillion (i.e., 2 minutes and 0s in all other statistical categories) in the process. Bravo, Duhon!

Drawn to average looking girls like a moth to a flame, Duhon cannot resist ruining the photo of four Chicago partygoers.

Where Apathy Happens

The Bulls rallied from 22 down to come back to lose to the Hawks in dramatic fashion. Chris Duhon came out of the mothballs to flex the guns and score 7 points on 33% shooting. This loss puts the Bulls 4 games out of the playoff chase with only 10 games to go. As the poet once said, "it's a fajita" for the Bulls' playoff hopes. Look for tickets to remaining games at the UC on eBay for 10 cents on the dollar.

Next season, I do not think Duhon's novelty t-shirts will be as funny in Eastern Europe as they are in the U.S. I heard the Ukrainian Urban Outfitters has shirts in Russian which should have Duhon covered, though. Top sellers include "Stalin is my Homeboy" and "Who is strong like oxen? This guy."

Drew Gooden is Mistaken

Drew Gooden, who is shooting 0% on 3s and averages 1 assist and less than a block a game this season, recently gave this modest self-assessment:

"I possess the tools. I don't want to sound cocky, but I think I possess everything. I feel like I can pass, block shots, play great defense, play help defense, shoot threes. I believe that I can do it all. "

I say the same thing every time I put down the controller after a successful game of NBA Live 08. The difference between me and Gooden is that I can back it up. Last night, Gooden shot 0-5 for 2 points in 20 minutes in a humiliating loss to the Sixers, while the Palos Hills Toros beat the Lakers by 60 points on Xbox Live.

Advantage: me (and reality).

In Duhon news, C-Du got some nice garbage minutes last night. Duhon scraping himself from the bench reminded me of the Kansas woman whose caboose adhered to a toilet after years of sitting.

Erin Go Bench

Chris Duhon was unavailable for tonight's blowout loss to the Spurs. The official word was that Duhon had the flu. Bottle flu, maybe? In any case, Serbia has universal health care, so Duhon shouldn't have these health issues next season.

In other news, the Bulls raised ticket prices. Please shoot me.

Duhon Turns Back on Team, Average White Girl

"I probably won't be back." -Chris Duhon

Pop the Cristal, Bulls fans.  Duhon doesn't want to be here as much as we want him gone.  Duhon did not just get a DNP-CD, he was listed as inactive in the Bulls' win over the Jazz.

Du Does Durham: The Morning After

In the wake of Sunday's punishment, Chris Duhon said that his benching didn't matter because he had not been playing anyway. I'm glad he has a professional attitude. I mean, it's not like the Bulls pay him millions of dollars to show up on time. Although the dollar is generally weak, it is strong against the Serbian Dinar, so he should live comfortably while playing for the Takovo Lions next season.

In the photo above, Duhon hugs a pair of girls with "nice personalities" while wearing a hat from the Uncle Buck collection.

Duhon Does Durham

Chris Duhon was benched for Sunday's loss to the Pistons after missing the pre-game shootaround. Duhon left the team without permission to see his Duke Blue Devils lose to the UNC Tar Heels. Duhon claims he missed his wake-up call. I'd be out of it, too, after a night of Jager Bombs and talking to D-list girls.

Duke luminaries Jason Williams and Christian Laettner joined Duhon at the game. Apparently, it was NBA Bust Night at Cameron Indoor. In a ceremony hosted by Alaa Abdelnaby, JJ Redick was awarded the prestigious Bobby Hurley Trophy for his NBA performance. Trajan Langdon, honored last year, could not make it as UPS has a strict personal time policy.

Duhon Rides Pine, Fat Girl

Chris Duhon was glued to the bench in a win over the Grizzlies which saw appearances from Garbage Time All-Stars Shannon Brown and Cedric Simmons. Despite a 30 point lead, Boylan took our advice and kept C-Du out of the action.

In a photo from the archives, Duhon is seen at Medusa's jacking to "The Percolator" in a rayon shirt he bought at Coda. His Zodiac shoes are just out of frame.

Duhon's Girlfriend Responds to BenchDuhon.com

A Tribute to Chris Duhon

In a stirring tribute to Chris Duhon, Ben Gordon shot 38% and had 5 turnovers in a loss to the Cavs. C-Du climbed the depth chart, though, playing 1 second more than Aaron Gray.

Shown above: After Larry Hughes took all of their minutes, Chris Duhon and Kirk Hinrich enjoy a light moment with their realtors. Ben Gordon is just out of frame talking to his mortgage broker on the cell phone. Adios, fellas!

Welcome Back Du

Chris Duhon got off the bench to help the Bulls blow an 18 point halftime lead in a loss to the Wizards. Amazingly, Duhon received a technical foul upon entering the game because his shirt was untucked, leading to a quick point for the Wiz. Soon after, he jacked up and missed an out of rhythm 3. Du finished with 0 points on 0% shooting in about 6 minutes.

In the post-game conference, Boylan said the Bulls "embarrassed the City of Chicago." It looks like the team has caught up with its third string PG, as Duhon has been embarrassing himself around town for years. Shown above, Duhon crashes a Whitney Young graduation party and shoehorns himself into the photo. Cheese! (seriously)

Duhon Still Benched, Needs Sponge

Completing the DNP-CD trilogy, Boylan kept Duhon on the pine as the Bulls beat the Pacers.

Pictured: Duhon breaks into a sweat as he realizes that there are no average looking white girls in the club. The back fat on the girl on the right could not have been helping matters, either.

Jason Kidd Beats Bulls, Women

Duhon's second straight DNP-CD was tempered by the Bulls' second loss in two games. I think Hinrich touched Kidd's son's food before gametime as Kidd barely missed a triple double, going for 11, 9 and 8.