Jay Mariotti: Rest In Piss

The world's worst sports columnist quit the Sun-Times.

Gold Medals Returned to Rightful Owners

THE REAL WORLD CHAMPS

This one goes out to Greece, Puerto Rico and Argentina...

John Tesh: Street Status

People enjoy laughing at John Tesh, but I'd like to remind everyone that he wrote the greatest song in NBA history. Roundball Rock was the theme for NBC's NBA coverage during the Bulls' glory years. When I hear this song, I don't know if I want to shoot a game winning three or rob someone at gunpoint for their Air Jordans. Maybe both. Roundball Rock is like the basketball version of MOP's Ante Up.

Make jokes about Tesh's band collar shirt and embroidered vest, but don't try to tell me that you don't feel like flipping cars over on Division Street when you hear Roundball Rock during NBC's Olympic basketball coverage. Anyone who can dress like a gay waiter and rock a 12 piece orchestra to inspire sports related violence is worthy of Bench Duhon's Medal of Honor.

DeShawn Wants to Make Love in This Club

Let's just hope that the club isn't filled with 14 year old girls.

A Stunning Likeness

You can be the owner of this incredible t-shirt featuring an airbushed image of an obese Michael Jordan.  Available on eBay for only $50, this is the perfect tee for Weight Watchers meetings, auditions for "What Not to Wear" and matching with your boo at Great America.  The seller also offers other shirts, but it is unknown if fat versions of other NBA players are available. I'd be interested in a fat Kukoc hoodie.

Note to Cedric Simmons: Do Not Paint Your Car Black and Red

Maybe Jamal Crawford wants to buy former Knick Renaldo Balkman's Chevy Caprice. Even Walt Frazier thought the basketball shaped speaker grilles were over the top. This car is destined to join Cam'Ron's pink Range Rover as an all-time joke eBay legend.

In any case, doing something this ridiculous virtually guarantees that you will be traded (sort of like me buying a Kendall Gill Hornets authentic 24 hours before he was traded to the Sonics).

Rose Regulates Adidas, Ready for Next Episode

Hours after inking an endorsement deal with Adidas, Derrick Rose was spotted celebrating with Nate Dogg (at far right). Warren G was unavailable for comment as Subway does not allow employees to take personal phone calls.

Soundtrack to Bench Duhon

For the people who thought Gerald Green's socks and Dwight Howard's Superman cape were interesting dunk accessories, allow me to introduce Top Dog.  Eschewing bare feet and superhero outfits, Top Dog takes flight in gators and a lime blazer. The gabardine trousers alone make Josh Smith's 'Nique throwback look uninspired by comparison.

I'm impressed-- although I heard that it took Top Dog 14 tries to get this photo (like Nate Robinson in the 2006 dunk contest).

Big shout out to Zone-Loc for the tip!

Duhon Has Always Been #1 In Our Hearts

From Newsday.com:

Among NBA players, Duhon has a reputation for partying. "My personal life is my personal life," Duhon said. "My main focus here is to compete and make the New York Knicks a better team. That's my main goal and focus. I don't really comment about anything like that."

That's OK; we've got it covered.

My Point Guard Wants to Party All the Time

Duhon's signing with New York initially raised some eyebrows among Knicks brass. According to Frank Isola:

Duhon's lifestyle concerned team officials, who felt that the 25-year-old enjoyed the nightlife too much. When Duhon played at Duke, he would often sleep at the house of coach Mike Krzyzewski to prevent him from staying out late.

In an effort to keep an eye on Duhon, Donnie Walsh suggested he sleep at Mike D'Antoni's house, but Danilo Gallinari is already crashing on the couch. Isiah Thomas has expressed some concern that D'Antoni and Gallinari will get pumped up watching Sylvester Stallone movies and demand that Duhon buy them some Jujy Fruits. On the positive side, Gallinari can help Stephon Marbury rent an apartment in Italy now that Duhon is certain to take all of his minutes.

In the photo above, not even a popped collar and a quartet of mediocre girls can make a forlorn-looking Duhon forget about shooting under 39% this season.

Duhon Signs With Knicks, Looks Suspect in Club

It's official: Chris Duhon is now New York's problem. Donnie Walsh channeled the ghost of Isiah Thomas as C-Du declared his independence from the Bulls and agreed to a 2 year deal with the Knicks. Duhon's cell phone blew up like July 4 fireworks from Bulls fans offering to drive him to the airport.

It will be interesting to see how Duhon works in Mike D'Antoni's offense. Duhon has often been compared to Steve Nash in that neither player can guard anyone. Aside from that, Knicks fans can expect ice-cold shooting and a dazzling array of novelty t-shirts. The Bulls expect Larry Hughes to fill the bad shooting void left by Duhon.

New York star spotters hoping to catch a glimpse of their new point guard should keep their eyes trained on any place average-looking white girls get together. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to get the champagne out of the refrigerator.

Glen Davis is Here, Get Used to It

A celebration of Chicago's 39th Annual Pride Parade would not be complete without some photos of the Celtics' Glen Davis wearing a feather boa.

Below, Glen Davis delights Tyrus Thomas and the Baton Rouge crowd with his rendition of Diana Ross' "I'm Coming Out."


In all seriousness, someone should knock on Tim Hardaway's door to make sure he's still breathing.

It's Raining Glen Davis

Does licking and caressing a giant ball make me look gay?  No?  What about getting a champagne shower from a circle of dudes while I dance?  OK, thanks.

This last photo earned the Celtics' Glen Davis honorary membership in Bear Force One.

Kobe: "It Tastes Like a First Round Loss to the Spurs"

Some observations on Shaq's 8 Mile moment:

The clock is ticking on the first YouTube loser and/or unknown DJ to release his "remix" of the Shaq rap. Vegas has the over/under at 8 hours.

"Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes" is destined to join Black Bart Simpson, Stop Snitchin' and the Jeezy Snowman as a Taste of Chicago t-shirt design hall of famer.

This is not the first time Shaq dissed an NBA opponent in song. Below, Shaq channels Sam Malone to send a message to the Sacramento Kings. Vlade Divc did not return our calls regarding how Shaq's ass tasted in 2002.



Don't forget that Kobe is also known to put heads to bed on the mic. Following the trail blazed by Vanilla Ice and Naomi Campbell, Bryant and Tyra Banks rock the house in the video below.

Celtics Win Championship, Look Gay

The Boston Celtics won their 17th championship by manhandling the L.A. Lakers. It was the second biggest margin of victory in finals history behind the Bulls' 96-54 win over Utah in 1998.

Also being manhandled: the Larry O'Brien Trophy by Glen "Big Costanza" Davis. Shown above, Davis gets his John Amaechi on in one of the few boudoir photos taken by NBA photographers.