Barkley Blows Stop Sign, Breathalyzer; Not Blown

After a long night of partying with Steve Urkel in Scottsdale, Charles Barkley ran a stop sign and was arrested for drunk driving. When asked where he was going, Barkley told the police officer: "I was gonna drive around the corner and get a blow job," explaining that his date gave him a blow-jay a week earlier and that it was one of the best he had received in his life.  Drunk driving and hanging out with Jaleel White are inexcusable, but I totally understand the part about racing to get a b.j.

Super Mario's Career Off To Great Start

March Madness hero Mario Chalmers was thrown out of the NBA's rookie transition program on Wednesday morning after being caught in his hotel room with marijuana and women.  If the pair in the photo were the women in Chalmers' hotel room, I can understand why he needed the weed.

Hennessy Got Noah Not Knowing How To Act

Is anyone really surprised that Joakim Noah was arrested for misdemeanor alcohol and marijuana possession? This story reinforces the old adage that no matter how successful you are, you will never outgrow drinking Henny in the street from a red Solo cup while scoping college girls.

Quick cognac story: Two summers ago, I was shopping at a Dominick's in Chicago when Shawn Marion pulled up in a customized white-on-white Dodge Magnum, parked in a handicapped spot and ran in to buy a bottle of Hennessy. I always thought Tim Grover's fitness regimen called for Alizé and not Henn-rock, but I'm not an athletic trainer, so what do I know?

The Chronic

I was going to get out of the first round of the playoffs, but then I got high.